HerMoodMentor

It has been quite a bit of time since my last post so my update is going to come as a few different posts addressing different areas of my life over the past few months. This update will be in regards to my PMDD journey.

I finally found a female primary care provider as well as a female gyno that both worked in the same office and also were big advocates for PMDD. I also decided to take the plunge into a PMDD course with Jes from hermoodmentor as well as personal PMDD coaching sessions. I will be completely honest, I was not completely sold on the PMDD coaching idea. Not even after my first session. But I gave it a shot and I invested the money and my time into making the effort and am I forever grateful that I did!

My PMDD is not healed (there is no cure for PMDD) but I have learned how to better manage my symptoms because of the work I put into my sessions and PMDD rehab course with Jes. The sessions with Jes were a process and took a lot of self reflection and awareness to understand what my body needed and what my body was telling me. I began with the idea that relationships was the area I needed to work on most. Most importantly my relationship with myself. You see the process Jes takes you on isn’t one where she just gives you the answers, because she can’t. All of our bodies and brains are so uniquely different. As well as the story of our life that has brought us to this point. Meaning each one of us has a unique way we need to address where we are at now. No one can tell you what that looks like or what that means. BUT Jes is an incredible guide in helping you figure out what that does look like. My first goal on June 6th 2022 was “In 60 days I will have a daily morning practice; Monday-Friday from 5 am- 6 am and then go to the gym.” My action steps were to go to bed at 10 pm with my phone in the other room and my alarm set on my Alexa. I would wash my face before bed at 9 pm, and my morning routine would consist of writing, yoga, and breakfast.

IT DIDN’T WORK. I failed miserably. Or so I thought, at first. What I realized is I was learning who I am and what I need. I realized I didn’t NEED that. That specific set up for my morning was not conducive to having an impact on my PMDD so by my next session with Jes I knew I wanted to change my goal. I have always been a pretty healthy person. I even pride myself on the wealth of knowledge I have from holistic nutrition school and having a bachelor’s in biological sciences pre-med with a masters in biomedical engineering. I know shit, ya know. But sometimes the areas we think we know most about are areas we actually might be lacking in.

My goal had changed “In 60 days, by August 14th I will have a weekly routine of planning my meals for the week and I will reduce processed sugars by 80%.” I was going to plan out my lunches and breakfast for the week. Eat 60-90 minutes after I woke up. Eat every 3-4 hours. Making sure not to fast during my luteal phase. Jes had taught me that due to my hormones I needed to be fueling my body properly. I had no idea that during my luteal phase I also need an extra 200-300 more calories everyday. By this point I was already over a month into this program and feeling like I was just starting considering I kept changing my goal. I hadn’t even thought of a way to reward myself for when I did accomplish the things I would. I didn’t know how to reward myself. This is something Jes is adamant about during this program though. So everytime we met she would keep asking me how I was going to reward myself.

Something funny happened pretty quickly after that meeting with Jes. I immediately realized meal prepping was not possible for a woman who lives alone and travels all the time. I also realized the symptoms I had been mapping I thought were my most extreme were outcomes based on ignored symptoms I wasn’t even aknowledging. The major symptoms I had been tracking were severe fatigue, dizziness, irritability, depression, and paranoia. While these are all symptoms they are also outcomes from other symptoms maybe not as easily recognized because these ones are so severe we tend to overlook how we got there in the first place. One of the major contributing factors to these bigger symptoms came from me not eating properly and in the times I needed to be for my hormones. The reason why I was not eating properly was because the symptom having the biggest impact on me was my nausea! My nausea was causing me to fast during my luteal phase without me even realizing it. I would wake up nauseous, therefore I would not eat until 5 pm on those days, which would lead to blacking out when standing up, irritability, and severe fatigue. So I started implementing a liquid mixture of collagen, protein, and greens into those days and surviving on that if needed when I couldn’t eat just to make sure I was at least still getting the nutrients I needed. I stopped being OCD about the food I was eating and instead made sure I was even getting nutrients in the first place. This was a GAME CHANGER.

Two weeks later Jes and I were back at it. By this time it was already August. I was already supposed to be meeting the goal I had made but here I was changing it again. I told Jes about my realization. I also started buying premade meals but FreshNLean with the macros and protein needed for my health and my workouts that could be frozen when I would leave town to ensure they wouldn’t go bad. This way I would always have something to eat even if I were in a bind. I had found CBD/THC 3:1 pills for the nights I was an insomniac and I was feeding myself the nutrients I needed to stabalize my hormones.

On one of my usual worst days of my cycle where I would normally be bedridden all day I went to the dispensary, bought some edibles, got really high and walked Newbury Street in Boston allowing myself to try on any/all outfits I wanted to and enjoyed the day without a care of if I could or could not afford the items and then I bought the one thing I found that I loved most! I FOUND MY REWARD! I allowed myself to enjoy shopping. Something I have not allowed myself to enjoy because in the past shopping was only ever a reminder of things I can’t have in my life and I never wanted to feel deprived so for years I made myself believe I hated something just so I wouldn’t want it. Human beings are so weird.

By doing that to myself for years I deprived myself of joy. For a long time I have deprived myself of joy. Thinking I didn’t deserve it. Thinking I hadn’t worked hard enough to deserve it. Thinking I had to become something or someone to be deserving of joy. I know a lot of people are like me in that regard. The people who pride themselves over how they’ve killed themselves being a hard worker. Well let me tell you, it’s a crock of shit. We all deserve joy regardless of our accomplishments.

Halfway through one of my sessions with Jes I broke down in tears. She went over the details of the things I wanted to work on since we started in June. She quoted myself to me. How I had wanted to experience joy and develop a relationship with myself. Then she told me to look at everything I had accomplished in two months. What I had accomplished for MYSELF. How I had put myself first and the ripple effect that created throughout the rest of my life. How my self awareness helped in healing me. Somehow this accomplishment was something I was able to accept and feel more than any of the degrees or strides I have made in recent years, and for the first time in my life I felt proud of myself. I showed up everyday for myself and I am forever grateful for that and for Jes for helping me to recognize it.

Ironically, towards the end of my coaching sessions with Jes I began having a morning routine that entailed a walk without sunglasses to help in hormone production, a journaling practice, and no phone until the morning routine is finished. I am not healed from my PMDD, but I am so much further into understanding how to manage my symptoms thanks to Jes and Hermoodmentor. I have come very far from the 10-14 days a month in bed where I started and this has all been quantified by Jes’s coaching process. I highly reccomend the PMDD Rehab course and coaching with Jes. One of the last things Jes had me do was write a list of all my accomplishments from the past 5 years no matter how small they were and to celebrate them. Sit with what I have achieved is what she told me. It makes a difference. She has made a difference.

Lastly, I found the courage to apply for disability accomodations for work. This was a huge move for me to make. It was extremely difficult for me because it has always felt like admitting defeat. It is so very far from defeat though, taking your own health seriously and advocating for yourself. It is scary and it is also extremely brave. This country we live in and the way people with disabilities are treated both in the work environment and out is unacceptable. It shouldn’t be as hard as it is to obtain proper healthcare and the empathy needed in a work environment. I want to change this. I am a good advocate for myself but I cannot imagine how hard it is for others who might not have the voice to stick up for themselves in such an unfair battle.

For more information on the PMDD Rehab Course and Health Coaching with Jes you can check her out on IG @hermoodmentor or on her website at hermoodmentor.com

For more information on PMDD and disability please check out https://iapmd.org/pmdd-and-the-workplace